To my sweet “future wedding day” pinterest friends,
I check in on pinterest once or twice a week to find a new recipe to satisfy my never-ending “what the heck am I going to cook this week; I’m so bored with myself” kitchen issues.
While my curated feed is mostly paleo, “clean”, 30-minute recipes (I’m telling you this so you can laugh at me, not be impressed. Whatever you do, don’t be impressed with my orthorexia tendencies), I also scroll by several “future wedding day” pins– photos of wedding rings, dresses, bridesmaids, flowers, DIY decorations, etc, by young women who are no where close to engagement.
And I have to say, I’m kind of shocked. In a culture where the feminist voice is constantly shouting from the rooftops “You are enough! You don’t need a man! You don’t have to get married! You can be a career woman! Marriage isn’t the end-all!” we are still curating pins for a future wedding without a known future groom.
Look, the last thing I want to do is shame you.
Please hear that. It’s not wrong for you to dream of finding your forever-life-partner. It’s not wrong for you to desire to become a wife and mom. Those are valiant, messy, beautiful things, and statistics show you will more than likely become one or both of those things.
I am concerned, however, by our infatuation with the perfect wedding–with or without a groom-to-be.
I know you’re not saving wedding pins as if you’re literally planning your future wedding. I know it’s just for fun. The images are beautiful. The rings are sparkly. You love some DIY ideas and want to save them. I get it.
But when we spend time actively looking through and saving wedding ideas for a wedding that may or may not ever happen, I think we are doing more harm to ourselves than we realize.
For one, we are creating unrealistic expectations.
Even if you do have a wedding, I guarantee it won’t look like your pinterest board. You are filling your mind with unrealistic expectations that will only lead to frustration and longing during your wedding planning process. Also, let’s get real, your ring is never going to be that big or sparkly. Do you want to love the ring your future husband proposes with? Or do you want to always have images in the back of your mind to compare to and lessen the true beauty of your ring?
Two, we are getting our priorities out of whack.
You’ve heard it before, “Plan for your marriage– not just a wedding!” Again, I know you’re not literally planning your wedding, but ladies, if you are 20 years old and have a “someday my prince will come” pinterest board, you are creating patterns of priorities (subconsciously) that you may never be able to break.
Your future wedding weekend is a blip on the radar. The whole thing maybe lasts 36 hours, and you have to sleep somewhere in that time frame. Your marriage, hopefully, lasts 438,000 hours, give or take a few. Four hundred and thirty eight thousand. Compared to 36.
While it is an amazing day, one that you will always look back on, it is just that. It is one day. It is one day that should be seen as the first page to a long, epic, adventurous, beautiful book that is all about a marriage between two people who choose to love sacrificially every day for years and years.
Three, we’re getting distracted.
Let me tell you exactly what Satan– your enemy, God’s enemy– wants to do to you. He wants to distract you. He wants you to spend all your thought-life worrying, daydreaming and thinking about things that are temporal, minimal, or just down right don’t matter.
When we spend more time fantasizing about a weekend, rather than focusing on how to become the woman God has designed you to be– which may or may not lead to a becoming a wife– Satan is winning.
Our time on this earth is so precious. You and I are given one life to live on this side of heaven, and I know you want to make it count.
I’m not saying you need to go delete your pinterest board, or confess the sin of idolatry, or anything dramatic. I just want to see you focus on what matters.
Instead of daydreaming about your future wedding, spend time daydreaming about what God’s purpose is for you on this earth. Spend time getting to know Him better. Spend time figuring out who He made you to be, what your calling is and ways you might be able to express that calling in your career, relationships, ministry, and so on.
And when you meet the man of your dreams, to plan the wedding of your dreams, you will be in much, much better shape than if you had spent all of that time creating a pinterest board of ideas. You have my “money-back guarantee.”