In 2013, I wrote a blog post called “Please stop being a Valentine’s Day hater.” I was 28 years old and still deeply single.
Deeply single (adj.) \ˈdēplē ˈsiŋ-gəl\
1: a state of singleness far beyond the demographic checkboxes of “married” or “single”
2: an inability to remember the last time you went out on a date, much less flirted with someone
Origin: A small group of Nashville girlfriends describing the depth of their single status
First Known Use: 2010
While it would be fair to say I went out on a lot of dates, I had very few serious relationships throughout my twenties, and in fact, never (in my whole life) had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. I went from being deeply single in that 2013 blog post, to having a fiance by Valentine’s Day 2014.
As I was reminiscing about my single Galentines Days, I started to imagine what advice I would give to my 20-something self about singleness, Valentine’s Day, and finding your forever Valentine.
Happy Valentine’s Day
From the desk of Hanna Seymour
Hanna,
I know you prefer when friends shoot you straight and don’t beat around the bush, so I’ll just get to it.
1. Don’t fret over being deeply single.
I know you say it in jest and it’s fun and easy to laugh about it with your girls, but I also know sometimes in the deep, dark places, you wonder if you’ll ever not be deeply single. You wonder if that’s God’s plan for your life. You wonder if you’ll be okay.
I’m not going to tell you whether or not you’ll be single forever (where’s the fun in that?! And honestly, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway) but I will tell you this: You are going to be okay. Does God not already lavish His love upon you in 1000 different ways a day? Do you not already see that in the sweet friends and family He’s given to you? He knows exactly what you need and exactly when you need it. He knows better than you do. And He is always good to you. Always. Even when you feel lonely, even when life seems like it’d be better if you could share the daily with someone else, even in those harder moments He is being perfectly good to you. You are exactly where He wants you. Trust Him. Keep your eyes focused on Him, not your relationship status.
2. Keep celebrating your single gal pals on V-day, but consider shifting your perspective a bit.
It’s not an “us” and “them” day: the singles v. the couples. It’s a day you have a fun excuse to celebrate all the people you care about in your life and who need encouragement. (And we ALL need encouragement.) Believe it or not, some of your married friends are lonelier than your single friends. Be mindful of that. It’s easy to think that as your friends pair off, their lives become easier or better. Yet neither is necessarily the case.
Never forget that everyone is under-encouraged. Maybe use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to write 10 people a note that simply says why you’re thankful God put them in your life. It will make more of an impact than you could ever imagine.
3. Relationships are the most important thing we’ll do in this life.
While this day emphasizes romantic relationships (and certainly our culture prioritizes your “soulmate” as the most important relationship of your life), this life really is about relationships, but it’s the relationship you have with your Savior and your neighbors. (Mark 12:30-31) You will find over the years, nothing will bring you more joy (and frustration) than your relationships with friends and family. Those seem to be the vehicle that God has used most to grow and mature me. So fight the cultural tide of idolizing romantic relationships, and ask God to give you His eyes to see the eternal value of your relationship with Him and every other human in your life. You will learn more about yourself and God through those relationships. I promise.
You’re doing great. Keep your chin up, her head high, and eyes on Jesus. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Hugs,
Your older, wiser, better looking (wink) self
